A Beautiful (Self-Destructive, Insecure) Mind

Kristen’s open letter to her insecurities got me thinking.

“Gosh she is so right, our insecurities and mind get the best of us.”

I was thinking about this a lot this weekend as I was taking a trip to Indianapolis. My air wasn’t working and with the windows down going 80, my mind was the only thing that kept me from going crazy in the 90 degree heat. And of course it led me to a questioning place.

Like most people in the world I am EXTREMELY insecure. In every aspect of my life, but I think mostly in my relationships. I am the type of person that will doubt a friendship, significant other, etc. And it guides my every move within that relationship.

Imagine an annoying, nagging, bitter person constantly telling you that everyone is fake and being nice just because. It’s that devil on your shoulder telling you you’re never good enough. I have trained myself over the years to bury that voice, deep down in the ground so it can never creep up. And for months that voice has been a faint memory, that I felt was long gone.

Until this weekend. Silence, driving down the open road, that little voice crept back into the forefront. It was telling me that once again, even though I’ve been so incredibly happy for the past 5 months, that everything was a lie.

I continually wonder why my mind chooses to think that when it comes to people in my life. I am an anxious person. I overthink everything. I choose to believe that everyone is out to get me.

But why?

I always snap out of it, the angel guiding me always bitch slaps the devil to say that I am getting too caught up in the thoughts. I just wonder if people experience these same thoughts.

Am I alone?

The point of this rambling is to reach out to anyone going through this, and if there isn’t an angel guiding you, to let you know that you are not alone. Try your hardest to stop those thoughts from breaking down your spirit. Stop believing that you’re not good enough, because you are.

Insecurities are an evil thing, they make you think and believe the worst about yourself. A goal for myself is to try my hardest to never let them take over like they have in the past. I have to continuously remind myself that I am blessed and live a life that is extremely fortunate. I have people in my life that love me and that I love, that help remind me that these thoughts are just thoughts, never reality.

Your mind is the most beautiful, yet destructive thing in your body. It can give you the creativity to make something magical, but also put you through your the lowest lows.

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This community that we are trying to build with this blog, the people we are reaching out to each week, understand that, as Awkward Adults, we are here to bitch slap those insecurities and hurtful thoughts away. We understand and will get through this.

Until next time…

Ale

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