True Life: How I Got out of the Friend Zone

Dating is tough, especially with all these dating apps and sites making you feel like you’ll find the one right away. What they don’t tell you is that it’s never that easy. I personally chose to wait until I got into a relationship with someone I could consider my best friend.

Make dating easy for yourself. Try and have fun! Meet lots of new guys and put yourself out there! Once you let go of all the expectations, you might find yourself meeting that special someone out of the blue and it’ll all be worth it.

Try and keep your cool - unlike my friend Chandler here.

Try and keep your cool – unlike my friend Chandler here.

I’m not here to say I’m an expert on relationships, because Lorde knows my boyfriend and I pick fights over the dumbest things. Mostly this is a “this is what I’ve learned/what I wish I would’ve done instead” type of post.

Living in the Friend Zone: I used to live in the friend zone and I was totally okay with that. The thought of dating boys terrified me because I had no idea how to be someone’s girlfriend.
I grew up in a single-parent household where it was just my mom and I – very Gilmore Girls, minus the witty banter because Hispanic mothers are not about that.

I got my tips on dating from movies and shows, which we all know is a huge letdown because I never had a guy write me a letter every day or play a boom box outside my window (granted I grew up in the Walkman/iPod era, so it would’ve had to have been on a speaker system.)

hlosUPWThe most attention I ever got from a guy was if I was helping him with his homework (i.e. let them copy, but joke was on them because I was not a straight A’s student) or if I quoted some song or movie the certain person liked. Even if I got attention from a guy, I had no idea how to handle it – I feel like I self-sabotaged lots of potential relationships because I was so awkward.

Tip: If you ever feel/have confirmation from a friend that a guy likes you, seize the moment. You’ll look back on this and regret you never said anything if you don’t.

If you don’t care about rejection, then tell him yourself! Make sure you’ve talked to this guy long enough to where you know you want to pursue something and mention you’d like to go to dinner and a movie sometime. If he’s interested, he’ll be all for it. If he’s not, hopefully he won’t be a jerk about it and let you down easy. If he’s an ass, then GOOD RIDDANCE. (Please make sure to give me his address so we can slash his tires while blasting some Carrie Underwood.)

The one that got away:
I was in the fifth grade and I was head over heels for this boy named Jorge.
From what I remember, he was tall (for a fifth grader), Hispanic, played sports and word in the hallway was he liked me too! I’m pretty sure we never dated because we were waiting till we went to middle school in order to feel more ~mature~ about it.
Then, I switched middle schools the summer before 6th grade and I never saw him again.

More than “Just Friends”:
EVERYONE KNOWS WE’RE MEANT TO BE, FALLING IN LOVE JUST YOU AND ME TILL THE END OF TIME.” If you can name that song, then you and I should be best friends forever.

Picture this: You and your “friend” have been hanging out for a couple of weeks/months/years now and you both can feel the chemistry. You are constantly hanging out with this person and you would love to make this official. When do you jump into the relationship? My experience was definitely different from your average, “Hey I like you, and we should date” scenario.

319329_4421027604187_1444885954_nI knew my boyfriend for a full year before we started dating. We were introduced to each other my freshmen year of college and we spoke/hung out occasionally until the mid-way through the fall semester of my sophomore year. Since we lived in the same apartment complex, this made it super easy to call each other up and say “Hey, wanna study?” or “Hey, wanna go out to eat?”

I didn’t think anything of it until we had a fall out with a mutual friend that turned out to be a scum-sucking road whore that tried to ruin our lives. We found comfort in each other as we both ended up losing friends and were both embarrassed we let this person into our life.
Months later, we were definitely hanging out more often than normal friends do.

I think the moment everything changed and went into this “soooo, are we dating?” situation was when he kissed me during SXSW 2012 while we listened to that “Young, Wild and Free” song by Snoop Dogg. Yes, this was my first kiss song and it was very romantic.

Months followed and he still hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend, but we were “technically” dating.

Tip: This is what I meant by, “If you have confirmation someone likes you, then bite the bullet and ASK THEM OUT.” Do NOT wait this out. Boys can be clueless and assume you’re dating without having to ask you.

It wasn’t until one evening in November (yes, I waited this long) when we were working out that I finally got clarification on our relationship status. I was telling him this story about how a guy was trying to ask me out earlier that day on the shuttle to school.

To this he simply went, “Why didn’t you tell him you were seeing someone?”
Me: “Because I didn’t know I was seeing someone? Am I seeing someone?”
Boyfriend: “Yes!”
Me: “Then why haven’t you asked me to be your girlfriend??”
Boyfriend: “Because…” he paused, “I haven’t asked someone out in a long time!”

He said this all in one breath and quickly went back to working out. Turns out he was too nervous to ask me out because he didn’t want to lose me as a friend/girlfriend. (Even guys get shy about asking someone out.)

unnamed (1)Now, I tell you this story because if you have the same awkward situation going on in your life, make sure to clear things up immediately!
I wouldn’t change my experience for anything in the world. I think it’s hilarious and now I’m head over heels for this goofy, talented guy that makes me feel like it was all worth it.

This week’s post is dedicated to a certain special someone to celebrate our three year anniversary.
You’re all I need, and I love you and I like you, B!

Tinder Chronicles: The Struggle of Being 20-Something and Single

Calling: all da’ single ladies, all da’ single ladies.

Let’s be honest, being single is rough in the 21st century. Communication is lacking, unless it involves technology. Dating has become a thing of the past. Meeting your significant other the way your parents did is like Myspace making a comeback, it’s not likely going to happen. The struggle to find something organically is like searching for a needle in a hay stack, time consuming and disappointing.

Almost everyone I know has fallen into the trap that is online dating. I mean look even Hilary Duff played into it. Giving into this dating style will almost always lead to the infamous pick up line of:

“hey so uhh do you wanna hangout?”

(hangout meaning, you know, not really hanging out).

This leads to my awkward self. I have never been a relationship person. Honestly, the thought of being in a relationship makes my throat close up a little. Commitment is a lot of work, and worrying about someone else makes me freak out.

But I see so many of my friends getting married (I’m lucky to stand by two of my best friends this year) or having babies (my friends truly make the cutest little humans) and I still feel as though I am missing out on something. But am I?

Let’s break this down:

I am 24. I am finally truly happy with my life and the yellow brick road I’m skipping down. I have a great group of friends that encourage one another to embrace individuality and independence. My Mom loves the fact that I never have been “that girl” who let a guy break her down. Yet, I still wonder what could I be doing different to make someone stick around more than a couple dates.

Okay, it may be because I tend to be a little too frank at times, and I laugh during the most inappropriate situations. I’m sorry that when I’m awkward the giggles come in full force, I can’t control it.

So I decided to participate in the whole Tinder epidemic.  Attempted to date or what have you with some, but in the end it never worked out (for the better). I mean look at what I have to deal with:

IMG_4473

Oh Zach, if it would not work in person, it most certainly won’t work on Tinder. No Tinderella for you.

Sorry Mr. no driving off into the unknown sunset with you, getting kidnapped is not on my bucket list.

Sorry Mr. Bren no driving off into the unknown sunset with you, getting kidnapped is not on my bucket list.

Apparently this dude thought "Dog and Cat :)" would steal my heart. Give me the dog and home Collan.

Apparently this dude thought “Dog and Cat :)” would steal my heart. Give me the dog and go home Collan.

They always proceed with asking about nudes and sending dick pics. NOTE: If any guys are reading this, WE DON’T WANT THEM. So don’t slip them into the conversation and expect us not to block you and run away screaming. I’m just sayin’

Anyone who knows me is aware that I am not a shy person. I have embraced my awkward-isms, and inner hippie, to finally become someone I love. I do believe you have to truly love yourself before you could ever give your heart to someone else. So why is this whole “Single Lady” thing so difficult?

These Tinder Chronicles will be something I update over time to inform you all about some interesting dates I’ve been on, experiences that were a little dissatisfying and possibly even stories from my friends who’ve dealt with similar instances. Expect stories like the time I proceeded to talk too long about the annoyance that are fraternities (to a guy that was the president of his) or that one guy who showed up late and drunk to our first date. The awkward moments are endless and I hope this series amuses you like it has my friends.

Stay cool kids,

Ale

P.S. — Mom, Dad, and fellow family members, I apologize in advance for what may come out of this series.