Females are Strong as Hell!

Alternatively titled: A great reason to explain why Mindy Kaling is my spirit animal.

Last week when I was out for drinks with Kristen, we discussed the top 5 women we wish we could be best friends with. We each took a couple of minutes to think about it and explain why each lady on our list was important. This is something I’ve been thinking about ever since we had the conversation – naturally I had to blog about it so I can explain to you guys about why I love these women so much and how they’ve impacted me as a person.

Natalie Portman
There isn’t much to explain here, I’m pretty confident when I say Natalie Portman seems like she would be the coolest person to hang out with. She’s an amazing actress, she gets to film movies with some of the hottest actors in the biz (I’m looking at you Ashton Kutcher and Chris Hemsworth) AND I spent most of my college years quoting her rap. Natalie, you are a bad-ass bitch.
GIF-about-Nat-natalie-portman-34906944-500-205

Beyoncé
Do I even have to explain this one? I would love to wake up someday and have as much power, beauty and money as Queen Bey. Also, I’m really curious to see if she does in fact wake up ***Flawless. Or if in reality she’s like the rest of us and wakes up like Anna from Frozen.

This is something I’d easily be able to witness if I was her best friend. We would hang out all the time and have sleepovers where I’d help her make low-budget yet iconic music videos while Jay-Z takes care of Blue Ivy. Because we all know Jay-Z would have babysitting duties while B and P run this town. (That has SUCH a ring to it. Move OVER Taylor and Karlie.)

beyonce crazy in love

Jennifer Lawrence
I am so insanely jealous of how effortlessly cool Jennifer Lawrence seems. I bet she’s one of those friends I can call up if I wanna have a lazy, eat-pizza-while-binge-watching-Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer kind of days. Then we’d go party at a music festival while hanging out backstage with all of our rockstar friends.

It surprises me that the entertainment industry is baffled by this young actress that acts like a normal 25 year old. It’s refreshing to see someone call it like it is – say they’ve spent an entire day getting ready for an event  and complain about how hungry they are. In reality anyone would be starving and cranky if they were her! I would be so hangry I’d probably force Ryan Seacrest to order me a pizza and not keep my cool at all when it got delivered.

jennifer lawrence gif

Katy Perry
Katy freakin’ Perry. It’s giving me goosebumps just thinking of how amazing it’d be to be besties with my favorite pop star. When I first found out about Katy and that one little single she put out, I immediately followed her Tumblr where she would post updates via Vimeo. It was great to see her make her way into the spotlight and show the world what an amazing artist she is. After getting a sense of her personality and becoming obsessed with her songs I knew I was going to be a KatyCat for life.

Can you image all the laughs we’d share while sitting in a cat cafe? I bet we’d spend hours watching cat video after cat video or talking about all the important pop culture moments and music we missed because of our childhoods. (We’re both on different sides when it comes to this. She had a sheltered upbringing because of her religious parents and I mostly only listened to Spanish pop until the 7th grade.)

To say I’m a fan is an understatement. Attending one of her concerts was one of the greatest experiences I’ve ever gotten to witness and I would love to be a part of the crew that puts it all together. Katy, if you’re reading this and need someone to help you on your next tour – holla at yo girl.

katy cat

Mindy Kaling.
Let’s get straight to the point of why you’re here.

I’m positive Mindy Kaling is my spirit animal.
“Pam, how do you know that? You’ve been fan-girling over all these other women – what makes Mindy so special?”
First off, HOW DARE YOU.
Second, let me explain myself.
You see, I didn’t know much about Mindy until her book and the title caught my eye while I was browsing in a bookstore a couple of years ago. I grabbed it and sat down to read the first couple of pages to see if it was worth purchasing.

“IS everyone hanging out without me? I was a sensitive kid too! I WASN’T COOL IN HIGH SCHOOL EITHER. HOW DOES SHE KNOW ME?!”

Mindy’s story telling and her quirky one liners fascinated me as I became engrossed page after page. I immediately walked up to the counter, threw money at the cashier and ran home to read the rest. (Just kidding, I paid like a normal human being but I needed to emphasize how desperately I wanted to keep reading the book in the comfort of my pillow fort at home.)

Later on she released The Mindy Project and obviously I had to binge watch that as soon as it became available on Hulu.

I’d love to spend a day with her gossiping about celebrities; like why Zayn left One Direction and come up with his potential solo album titles while inhaling Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. We could also spend the day online shopping, watching classic rom-coms and still inhale ice cream.

If I had the chance to meet Mindy, I’d definitely thank her for being herself and giving a voice to some of the concerns I’d often worry about.

mindy kahling

Also, Mindy. If you ever stumble upon this blog post I just want you to know that I think it’s BS that you aren’t a part of the Ghostbusters reboot because you called dibs on being a part of that cast back in 2011! I GOTCHO BACK GIRL.

 

Who would be your top 5 favorite people to hang out with?


Sidenote about my title: 
If you haven’t had a chance to see the “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” on Netflix, then you my dear friend are missing out on one of the greatest theme songs in TV (streaming) history.
It combines my two favorite things: Catchy songs and mashups ala Youtube. (Think, “Hide yo kids, Hide yo wife”)

 

Tinder Chronicles: The Struggle of Being 20-Something and Single

Calling: all da’ single ladies, all da’ single ladies.

Let’s be honest, being single is rough in the 21st century. Communication is lacking, unless it involves technology. Dating has become a thing of the past. Meeting your significant other the way your parents did is like Myspace making a comeback, it’s not likely going to happen. The struggle to find something organically is like searching for a needle in a hay stack, time consuming and disappointing.

Almost everyone I know has fallen into the trap that is online dating. I mean look even Hilary Duff played into it. Giving into this dating style will almost always lead to the infamous pick up line of:

“hey so uhh do you wanna hangout?”

(hangout meaning, you know, not really hanging out).

This leads to my awkward self. I have never been a relationship person. Honestly, the thought of being in a relationship makes my throat close up a little. Commitment is a lot of work, and worrying about someone else makes me freak out.

But I see so many of my friends getting married (I’m lucky to stand by two of my best friends this year) or having babies (my friends truly make the cutest little humans) and I still feel as though I am missing out on something. But am I?

Let’s break this down:

I am 24. I am finally truly happy with my life and the yellow brick road I’m skipping down. I have a great group of friends that encourage one another to embrace individuality and independence. My Mom loves the fact that I never have been “that girl” who let a guy break her down. Yet, I still wonder what could I be doing different to make someone stick around more than a couple dates.

Okay, it may be because I tend to be a little too frank at times, and I laugh during the most inappropriate situations. I’m sorry that when I’m awkward the giggles come in full force, I can’t control it.

So I decided to participate in the whole Tinder epidemic.  Attempted to date or what have you with some, but in the end it never worked out (for the better). I mean look at what I have to deal with:

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Oh Zach, if it would not work in person, it most certainly won’t work on Tinder. No Tinderella for you.

Sorry Mr. no driving off into the unknown sunset with you, getting kidnapped is not on my bucket list.

Sorry Mr. Bren no driving off into the unknown sunset with you, getting kidnapped is not on my bucket list.

Apparently this dude thought "Dog and Cat :)" would steal my heart. Give me the dog and home Collan.

Apparently this dude thought “Dog and Cat :)” would steal my heart. Give me the dog and go home Collan.

They always proceed with asking about nudes and sending dick pics. NOTE: If any guys are reading this, WE DON’T WANT THEM. So don’t slip them into the conversation and expect us not to block you and run away screaming. I’m just sayin’

Anyone who knows me is aware that I am not a shy person. I have embraced my awkward-isms, and inner hippie, to finally become someone I love. I do believe you have to truly love yourself before you could ever give your heart to someone else. So why is this whole “Single Lady” thing so difficult?

These Tinder Chronicles will be something I update over time to inform you all about some interesting dates I’ve been on, experiences that were a little dissatisfying and possibly even stories from my friends who’ve dealt with similar instances. Expect stories like the time I proceeded to talk too long about the annoyance that are fraternities (to a guy that was the president of his) or that one guy who showed up late and drunk to our first date. The awkward moments are endless and I hope this series amuses you like it has my friends.

Stay cool kids,

Ale

P.S. — Mom, Dad, and fellow family members, I apologize in advance for what may come out of this series.