When life gives you lemons, you sometimes wish for limes because they go better with tequila

Snapchat--2672837582882681986Alternatively named: the process of an all-day hangover.

Step 1:  Participate in an all night rager.  Well technically in my case it wasn’t an all night type of deal. It normally isn’t. I tend to be promptly in my bed by 3:00 – 3:30 AM, which yes I know in typical fashion is considered pretty late, but I used to work at a bar and so this is just an hour or so past closing time ( feel free to hum semisonic for the rest of the blog post).  But no, this was not some full throttle Project X type of ordeal. In this instance it was more like two poorly timed tequila shots. Feel free to switch the song in your head to 0 to 100 because that’s how most of my nights seem to end up.

Step 2: Wake up immensely confused. Not in the sense of holy shit where am I? But more like: Why did I do that again, or why is my computer so close to my face, or why does my arm hurt in that spot specifically?

Step 3:  Try and remember what happened the night before. Which immediately leads to…

Step 4: Try and go back to sleep. Step 3 can be revisited at a later time. Hopefully, well after several cups of coffee.  Step 4 can be tricky for many reasons. 1. Do I have to work? Because I have had the misfortune of making yet another terrible mistake like turning up on a Tuesday then yeah, Step 4 is not an option for me.  2. Sometimes my head hurts too much for me to go back to sleep and I’m promptly pushed into the next part of my day.

Step 5: Find water. This does not sound like a hard task. I know. But sometimes finding the will to pull myself out of bed and over to the nearest source of water is the last thing on my mind. Cotton-mouth be damned.

Snapchat-20141130031938Step 6: Forget water and guzzle down coffee. No real explanation needed.

After this step, my day can go a couple of different ways. The fog in my head will lift and I become a regular, or as close to it as I ever come, functioning adult.  It really depends on the type of hangover I wake up to.

Sometimes I just wake up confused, like there’s cotton in my head or something. Plus I always feel a few steps behind everyone else and incredibly slow in understanding things. Try doing a phone interview like this. I D I O T.

I feel like the most popular hangover experience is waking up hungover. But even worse than the immediate “wake-up you’re hungover” is the “surprise! It’s three hours into your day and now you’re furiously ready to puke everywhere.”

I hate it! I feel bamboozled by my own body.  I wake up feeling victorious because I’ve escaped a hangover finally. Then the symptoms slowly creep in. A little twinge of pain in my head here,  a questionable gurgle in my tummy there,  then like a damn freight train to the face, hello full blown hangover. Like I don’t have plans or something.

I’ll be honest. I’m hungover a lot. It’s nothing I’m particularly proud or ashamed of, just a matter of fact. I figure most people go through their stage of drinking/partying all the time when they are in college.  I didn’t get to do that! My first two years of college I lived at home, and when I went to university, I was not in those partying circles, mostly due to the fact that my closest friend was a few years older than me and totally against that type of living. Bring on the board games.

The sad thing of it all, is I have yet to find a decent hangover remedy. I’ve looked online, called my seasoned partying friends and family and asked them for advice; I haven’t really found one thing that works.  Some of them don’t work at all!

Most importantly I’d like to congratulate myself for finishing something as eloquent as this </sarcasm>, while hungover. You’re welcome internet.

Peace out,




2 thoughts on “When life gives you lemons, you sometimes wish for limes because they go better with tequila

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